10 Things not to say/do when visiting someone in the hospital

Hospitals are not such a good place to be in, and recently I had to bear a week in a hospital due to Typhoid. Obviously people who love you and care for you, get worried; but there are some things which you should never say to a sick person in a hospital. Here is a list-

Dear Lord, Save Me!

1. What have you done? (Yeh kya kar liya?)

Guys please; no one wants to be sick. When someone says this, you really want to reply,”Yeah I saw a bottle with a note: ‘This will make you sick’ and I drank all the contents of it deliberately”

2. What are the doctors saying?

The people, who visit, want to know all about the medical procedure step by step. Dear People, lying at that bed in the hospital is horrifying in itself; the patient gets even more scared when he/she has to repeat the ordeal all over again. Yes you can inquire about the progress but in a subtle way.

3. How did this happen?

Yes, one of the things that suck big time is when you have to repeat about your sickness/mishap again and again.

4. How are you feeling? (kaisi tabiyat hai?)

I do not know anyone who has replied in an honest and negative way to this question, despite feeling treble. You only say “fine” or “better” to this. This is a staple question even in a normal question. Try to be considerate.

5. Let me know if you need anything.

Yes, this is a standard phrase used by people. I am not saying that people lie about lending a helping hand; but if you really want to help anyone, don’t just say it, do something. You can- Offer your time as attendant so that the family/friends can have some relief; bring coffee/tea/snacks; get medicines; offer a ride to back home to attendant; get blankets/food for attendant; bring books to read; music to listen etc.

6. You must be getting bored here.

No, not at all! Don’t you know the hospital holds an entertainment program every hour? Yes the patient does feel bored at times. You may like to help in ending that boredom. You can bring books to read; music to listen; games to play; try to lighten up the mood of a patient etc.

7. I don’t know what to say!

Alright not all people get it what to say when visiting a patient in the hospital. To be honest, even the patient doesn’t know how to react to the people visiting him/her. But don’t be too direct! Please try to be a little positive in your conversations; it brings hope to the patient.

8. Sleep now, take proper rest, and do not roam here and there!

Yes the sleep. Sleeping in the hospital environment is not that easy as it seems. The doctors and nurses keep on visiting you for rounds; sometimes you are in pain; some patients are on strict bed rest; restricted sleep posture (the Intra-veins causes swelling) and hell lot of other reasons. Even if you want, you cannot roam. So when the people say this, it is actually like rubbing chilies on your wounds!

9. Seeing your long lost friends/relatives after a decade, whoop right next to you in the hospital.

The fake sympathizers, and the people who enjoy seeing you suffer, Uff! These people should be shooed away immediately. I suggest the hospitals to develop an emergency button for this purpose as well! It gets even worse, when they actually wake you up to “see you”! urgh :X And they say, “I heard about you and came running to see you” as if I got admitted into the hospital only to see you running!

10. Cry and be emotional! (Hayee, mera baccha!)

The last thing any patient wants to deal with is the crying! I am not saying that it’s wrong to be worried about the patient, but don’t cry! Trust me on this, it’s hard to be there in that situation, the patient itself is scared and feels low, your crying just demoralizes the patient.

 

Irritated, but just can not do anything!

When visiting someone in the hospital, try to limit your queries, and try to be hopeful and positive. Understand that it is difficult to be there in that situation, do not increase their worries to attend you, and instead do something to ease their burden.

Leave a comment if you feel some other pet dialog(s), I left in this list.

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Daddy’s girl

I belong to a middle class family. My mother looks after us (me and my elder brother) and the house, while my father works hard to provide us a comfortable life and fulfill all our needs and desires. He does so because of his unconditional love for us and he wants us to be happy.

My father got occupied with his work and we both drew more close to mom. She gradually got promoted from my mother to my buddy mom (read it friend). I grew up with her, she nourished and developed me. My father had minimum participation during this process. My dad always loved us but he didn’t know the art of expressing, something in which my mom is an expert. Mom made efforts to make us understand that dad loves us. I knew that he loves me but could not feel it.

I and my father always had differences. Right from the radio station I listen to the dress I wore. He could never understand some of my ways and I could never understand his. This was the place where mom always striked a balance, sometimes supported me and sometimes made me understand.

The turning point came when my elder brother went abroad for further studies. Maybe this separation from one part of the family made him realize how important it is to express love to the loved ones. I could feel more warmth in his hugs and ‘I love you’s’ had more emotion than the usual ones.

I really thank this incident, because it made me realize and understand how much my dad loves me. I can recall his worry when I was ill, his cheer when I performed, his help in solving my mathematics problem, his encouragement to make a round chapatti 😉 :P, his support in my decisions. All this is his love. He has a subtle way of expressing his love. He never imposed himself on me. He gave me freedom and made me understand its meaning.

I always thought I am a mamma’s girl and very similar to her, but I have inherited many characteristics from my dad. The sense of humor, level of patience, laziness and the list is endless.

I never realized this but I am daddy’s girl also. Now I know this and can feel it too.

Away from home…

My home has always been the place for me where I find myself again and again. It defines me, it determines how I am! A house becomes a home when you have your loved ones in it, they contribute towards a place called home.
There have been people around me who have been living away from their respective homes. I have been observing them for a while now.
I can get their emotions, their love, their longing, their subtle ways of staying connected. They have their reasons of not staying close to home, majorly study and job.
This is a small attempt to express how they might be feeling.

इस शेहर की हर गली, हर कोने में ढूँढती है निगाहे,
कही घर सा मंजर दिख जाए किसी बहाने|

आकर यहाँ थम गए है
काम में भी रम गए है
पाव भी कुछ जम गए है,
कामयाबी का नशा भी चढ़ रहा है
दूरियों का दर्द भी बढ़ रहा है,
नींद में भी याद आजाते है अक्सर,
माँ की गोद के सिरहाने

वो गालीया, वो चोबारे,
माँ की गोद के सिरहाने|

Why Generation Gap?

Usual tiff between the parents and children are generally blamed on the presence of generation gap.

Generation gap as Wikipedia says,” refers to differences between people of a younger generation and their elders, especially between a child and their parent‘s generation.”

But I wondered on the question – “why a generation gap?”

Here is what I observed.

Younger people are more enthusiastic and hot-blooded, older generation on the other hand is well experienced. The older generations loves the younger ones and tend to stop from the mistakes that maybe they had made once. This is however not very much appreciated by the younger people!

Every generation of parent thinks, “I will not let ‘that’ thing happen with my child.” Think about it, you also might have thought about it at some point of life.

But infact this ‘that’ is just the things which the newly parent was not exposed to or was not permitted.

The thing that we forget here is that with every generation, the level of advancement doubles itself.

For example, while my mother was not allowed to cut her hairs short or attend some dance classes, I had easy access to these ‘facilities’ which became common by the time I was born!

Today’s parent cannot understand that why the guys on their teenage daughter’s Facebook profile, who commented like- hot, looking sexy, dear etc are just normal friends and there is no romance booming up!

These word have become very common today due to gradual use by their parents itself (at their young age)!

Anytime a generation gap can be reduced with little efforts by both sides. Communication and small adjustments can any day contribute to peace between families!

But as the generation changes a gap will always remain!

The Unconditional Love

A child learns about love from his/ her parents. He / she see the mother and father caring and loving each other.

Parents set an example in the child’s mind about what love is and how to sustain your loved ones. Parents show how to laugh and cry with another person; and to give and accept what you get.

I am a very lucky person to get so loving and caring parents that sometimes I envy myself. My parents are so into each other that they are a perfect example of loving unconditionally.

Their story is molded by destiny. It was love at first sight for my dad when he first saw my mother’s photograph, with the wife of his friend. The wife of the friend happened to be my mom’s friend. And so it progressed and my mom and dad got married on 20th January 1988.

On the occasion of their 23rd marriage anniversary my mother remarked, “Sometimes it seems like yesterday when I got married. And sometimes, I feel so old.  But one thing that keeps me so enthusiastic is the love that we both share.”

I just loved the way they both looked at each other and smiled, before cutting their anniversary cake.

Pointing to us (my brother and me), mom and dad said, “I love you two, the receipts of our marriage.”

I hope they both stay in love forever.

P.S. – While I am writing this post, I can hear my mom singing a romantic song for my dad.

Is honour killing logical?

Is it a crime to love? Is choosing a life partner on your own an offense so intense that you could even loose your life?

It made headlines when in the states of Haryana, Punjab and others parents killed their kids just for the reason that they bought dishonour to the family. It brings a chill in the spine to even think that any parent, who brings their child in this world, brings them up with so much of love and care, can actually end their lives with their own hands.

Marriage is not a child's play

But from where did this concept come from? Is their any logic behind it?

Our community is divided into gotras or say clan and two people from the same clan are not allowed to marry. The logic behind such a rule is actually scientific. It is believed that two people from the same clan are with the same genetic code, and marrying in the same gotra creates genetic problem for their offspring. This concept was logical and practical when our community had just begun to shape up. But now, when our population has rose up to 1.15 billion, and there have been so many inter-caste and inter-religion marriages now the gene pool has grown so big that even in same gotra marriages the chances of having genetic problem in the next generation is almost impossible. Hence, this concept has lost its actual relevance.

Alas! Our people, who oppose same gotra marriage, are taking it as an offense against their religion. They have forgotten the logic behind the concept, and following that rule without even releasing that the thinking needs a revision and update. It is now on us to spread awareness and change such old and irrelevant societal norms.

Blended Indian Culture

Right from the entry of Aryans in our country, India has accepted new forms, objects, ideas, styles, languages, art, literature and various innumerable things with open arms.

When you have access to other cultures the new things start coming to your culture and gradually we except it as our own part. Initially, the idea may seem catalyst but they are accepted slowly but steadily.

With the passing of time, these ‘new concepts’ start appearing very own to us, as if they were the part of our culture since ages.

India has been witnessing, changes in our thinking. Take for example, there was no concept of love marriages in India, but gradually the society has accepted the whole concept. Nuclear families were not a part of our culture, but now it’s the most common thing. The people are even accepting homosexuality; latest is the amendment in the Act 377.

Clearly, here is shown the change in the mentality of the society.

Attached to roots

Earlier, the only way in which, the transformation of culture took place was through traveling. Buddhist teachings were able to reach such a large number of people only by means of traveling and teaching.  With the change in time, written had become one of the important medium for transformation. But, now the scenario has changed, now for exchange of thoughts there are new mediums available, among which includes communication. Today, you can visit google.com and find as many things you like.

So without any doubt I would conclude that, yes our Indian culture is a blended form of other cultures. But talking as a whole, only Indian culture is not a blended form, the change has also touched the other cultures in the world.