10 Things not to say/do when visiting someone in the hospital

Hospitals are not such a good place to be in, and recently I had to bear a week in a hospital due to Typhoid. Obviously people who love you and care for you, get worried; but there are some things which you should never say to a sick person in a hospital. Here is a list-

Dear Lord, Save Me!

1. What have you done? (Yeh kya kar liya?)

Guys please; no one wants to be sick. When someone says this, you really want to reply,”Yeah I saw a bottle with a note: ‘This will make you sick’ and I drank all the contents of it deliberately”

2. What are the doctors saying?

The people, who visit, want to know all about the medical procedure step by step. Dear People, lying at that bed in the hospital is horrifying in itself; the patient gets even more scared when he/she has to repeat the ordeal all over again. Yes you can inquire about the progress but in a subtle way.

3. How did this happen?

Yes, one of the things that suck big time is when you have to repeat about your sickness/mishap again and again.

4. How are you feeling? (kaisi tabiyat hai?)

I do not know anyone who has replied in an honest and negative way to this question, despite feeling treble. You only say “fine” or “better” to this. This is a staple question even in a normal question. Try to be considerate.

5. Let me know if you need anything.

Yes, this is a standard phrase used by people. I am not saying that people lie about lending a helping hand; but if you really want to help anyone, don’t just say it, do something. You can- Offer your time as attendant so that the family/friends can have some relief; bring coffee/tea/snacks; get medicines; offer a ride to back home to attendant; get blankets/food for attendant; bring books to read; music to listen etc.

6. You must be getting bored here.

No, not at all! Don’t you know the hospital holds an entertainment program every hour? Yes the patient does feel bored at times. You may like to help in ending that boredom. You can bring books to read; music to listen; games to play; try to lighten up the mood of a patient etc.

7. I don’t know what to say!

Alright not all people get it what to say when visiting a patient in the hospital. To be honest, even the patient doesn’t know how to react to the people visiting him/her. But don’t be too direct! Please try to be a little positive in your conversations; it brings hope to the patient.

8. Sleep now, take proper rest, and do not roam here and there!

Yes the sleep. Sleeping in the hospital environment is not that easy as it seems. The doctors and nurses keep on visiting you for rounds; sometimes you are in pain; some patients are on strict bed rest; restricted sleep posture (the Intra-veins causes swelling) and hell lot of other reasons. Even if you want, you cannot roam. So when the people say this, it is actually like rubbing chilies on your wounds!

9. Seeing your long lost friends/relatives after a decade, whoop right next to you in the hospital.

The fake sympathizers, and the people who enjoy seeing you suffer, Uff! These people should be shooed away immediately. I suggest the hospitals to develop an emergency button for this purpose as well! It gets even worse, when they actually wake you up to “see you”! urgh :X And they say, “I heard about you and came running to see you” as if I got admitted into the hospital only to see you running!

10. Cry and be emotional! (Hayee, mera baccha!)

The last thing any patient wants to deal with is the crying! I am not saying that it’s wrong to be worried about the patient, but don’t cry! Trust me on this, it’s hard to be there in that situation, the patient itself is scared and feels low, your crying just demoralizes the patient.

 

Irritated, but just can not do anything!

When visiting someone in the hospital, try to limit your queries, and try to be hopeful and positive. Understand that it is difficult to be there in that situation, do not increase their worries to attend you, and instead do something to ease their burden.

Leave a comment if you feel some other pet dialog(s), I left in this list.

Surrogacy- Indian Concept?

With the current world being blessed with so many modern techniques, one must try to trace their origins.

One such “modern” method is surrogacy.

Surrogacy is an arrangement in which a woman carries and delivers a child for another couple or person. The surrogate may be the child’s genetic mother (called traditional surrogacy), or she may be genetically unrelated to the child (called gestational surrogacy). In a traditional surrogacy, the child may be conceived via home natural or artificial insemination using fresh or frozen sperm or impregnated via IUI (intrauterine insemination), or ICI (intracervical insemination) performed at a health clinic. A gestational surrogacy requires the transfer of a previously created embryo, and for this reason the process always takes place in a clinical setting.

Among the early use of this birth technique, is the incident in the Hindu mythology.

Balarama, the elder brother of Lord Krishna was one of the ten incarnations of Vishnu as stated by Bhagabat and other Puranas. His father was Vasudeva of Yadu clan but he had two mothers Devaki and Rohini. Maharaja Kamsa, the king of Mathura killed all the six issues of his sister Devaki as one of her sons was to kill him according to some forecast. So Goddess Yogamaya had made some miracle for her seventh issue, while Devaki was pregnant. Yogamaya extracted the foetus from the uterus of Devaki while she was eight months pregnant and placed it inside the uterus of Rohini. Rohini at that time hide herself in Nanda’s house at Gopa for the fear of demon Kamsa.

It is said in Bhagavat that –

‘Devakya Jathare Garbham Shesakhyam Dham Mamakam,

Tata Sanni Krushya Rohinya Udare Sanniveshaya’

Bhagavat [10-3-(8-10)]

It is said in Bhagavat that the supreme power called Shesha which is the abode of Lord Krishna (Vishnu), took birth as a human in the form of foetus in the uterus of Devaki. Goddess Yogamaya had extracted the foetus of Balarama and placed it safely inside the uterus of Rohini, the second wife of Basudeva. So after birth his name was Sankarsana. Balaram took birth after two months from Rohini on the day of Shravan Purnima (Gahma Purnima). He was called Sankarshan as he was extracted from others womb.

Lord Balram

The other name of Balarama is also Sankarshana, meaning a spirit transferred between two wombs.

So, clearly the answers to many of our “modern” problems might be traced back into our history! Rather we can say that – “History repeats itself”

Why me?

A very warm greetings to the people living in the 21st century, located in India’s capital city, Delhi!

A city which has the VIPs, VVIPs and god knows how many Vs…???

A city of power, where so much security is provided to the “important” that the commons are forgotten!

A city where maybe thousands are employed to provide protection, but still a girl cannot go out of her house without fear!

Time: 6:00 pm
Location: Road just behind my house

My mom was cooking some delicacy and found some ingredients missing, she asked me to bring it from the nearby grocery store. Following her instructions, of course it’s just the evening time and I do not have to travel far, so it seems really simple.

I went out, just on the way back home, mind it it’s a busy road, just behind my house; I have walked that path zillion times!

Two guys on a motorcycle crossed me and threw something on my back, surprised, and a little shocked I looked up and abused them about driving in a proper way! Then my eyes fell on the thing that they threw on me, this bought me more into a state of embarrassment mixed with anger.

It was a packet of condoms!

That very moment I wanted to hold those rascals’ collar and give them a tight slap each, but the only problem- they were gone!

Since people can point out about me being dressed inappropriately, so to clear the doubt, I was wearing a plain kurta and salwar, covering me properly!

This is a very common culture in the life of a girl, incidents of eve teasing happen just every day, in places expected like buses, metro, road and even in the places unexpected!

Some report these and as a result they have to face a bigger amount of trouble in going in and out of the police stations at odd times!

A friend once reported a drunken guy passing lewd comments to her, to the police, our so-called “Women helpline”, to our surprise the attitude of the officers was somewhat like this while registering the complaint- “Madam ko cheed diya hai, gussa ho gai!” (Madam has been teased and she is angry).

Standing there in the police station with my friend, I sensed that an eve-teasing matter holds no relevance to them!
Since we had enough proof, so the police traced the vehicle, for which I appreciate their efforts. But then another issue in hand was the identity disclosure, when a guy can tease a girl in broad day light, he can also create troubles for her if he comes to know her whereabouts. Of course, the big chunks of male ego, “How could a girl complain about me?”

The only way to avoid the identity disclosure was to ask the accused for an apology, in written and we had to except it otherwise the case will go to court and which clearly means inviting trouble!

The only question in my mind while writing this is, why can’t I roam around freely wherever I want, at any time of the day?

What is my crime, that I have to go through such kind of harassment? A man can never understand that feeling of being touched forcefully without your consent, of hearing a lewd comment about yourself, that helplessness when someone is stalking you, that anger when you want to protest but you do not to avoid a bad scene!

Is it my fault being a girl?

Most girls do not even mention these incidents to their family because that will create a stress in the members. (Girls are already a burden in India!)

Why can’t our society grow up and in each case not put the blame of protection of the girl on the girl itself? We can teach our sons to respect women, to behave properly with girls.

Maybe then a girl in can go out of her house with this comfort that she will be safe till the time she is back in her house. Maybe then our society will be just, and safe for all!

India v/s Bharat

“India is a great country. I am proud to be an Indian.”

These lines may convey strong patriotic feelings but ever thought why “Bharat” is not a great country and why we are not proud to be a “Bhartiya”?

Maybe the quest to do it in ‘western style’ had taken a big leap when our constitution was framed. The first sentence of our constitution says- “India that is Bharat”’ which clearly gives importance to the word India (given by the Britishers) rather that the word Bharat (this one is purely original).

Many people also have this misconception that our country did not have any particular name before the invaders arrived here. It is believed that the origin of the word Bharat dates back from the Vedic period, it is derived from the King Bharata from the Puru clan (the same from which originated the Pandavas). A proof of this can be seen in the sacred texts of the Vishnu Puran, Verse (2.3.1)-

“Uttaram yatsamudrasya himadresdrav dakshinam
Varsam tad bharatm nam bharti ytra santith”

This means- The country that lies north of the ocean and south of snowy mountains is called BHARATAM, there dwell the descendants of Bharata.

“Parathe swetha varaha kalpe vaivastha manvanthare
Ashta vimshathi tame kaliyuge
Prathane pathe jumbudwip Bhartha varshe
Bharatha khande meroho…”

This chant expands the meaning of Bharat as a subcontinent which comprises of today’s India, Pakistan, Nepal, Bangladesh and some parts of Afghanistan, the name suggests the diversity in cultures, languages, styles but yet one entity.

The justification of not using the word Bharat is given on the basis of its current geographical location, stressing upon the fact that Pakistan, Afghanistan, Nepal and Bangladesh are no more a part of India.

The origins of the word India is from Greek via Latin, literally meaning- region beyond the river Indus. Which is the last time I checked is currently Pakistan!

When the geographical correctness of the word India can be neglected, then why same can’t be done for the word Bharat? Even after knowing that the meaning of Bharat still describes our country’s diversity in culture. Or are we sticking to India just because it was given by Britishers?

I think it’s time we realize our individuality and dismiss the concept- “west is best”!

Women: Ultimate Multi-tasker

The mere mention of a women brings out this general picture- she is beautiful, she is the driving force of the house, she is a mother, a lover, respects the elders, etc other things which your mind knows best.

It is very evident and clear that women are born multi- taskers, and this concept of ‘multi-tasking’ is their baby.

Our mythology speaks in volume about this phenomenon.
The Gods  or the Dev are all “Chatur- bhujji“, ( chatur- four, bhujja- hands) this means with four hands. This is symbol of power and superiority.

On the other hand, the Goddess is “Ashta- bhujji“, ( ashta- eight, bhujja- hands) this clearly indicates that Goddesses are more powerful and functional than Gods.

Women have always been the multi- tasker, and still are!

The fight is not of who is more powerful, or any men v/s women equality issue. The point here is that women are no less than males.

This fact of multi tasking can also be proved by science.

It is proven that females use both, right and left hemisphere of their brains; whereas males use only one side of their brains.

This ability lets women attempt and concentrate on more works at one time!

Women can enjoy the tag of being the “Ultimate Multi-taskers”, since there is nothing we can help about, as pop star, Lady Gaga says, “I Was Born This Way!

Why Generation Gap?

Usual tiff between the parents and children are generally blamed on the presence of generation gap.

Generation gap as Wikipedia says,” refers to differences between people of a younger generation and their elders, especially between a child and their parent‘s generation.”

But I wondered on the question – “why a generation gap?”

Here is what I observed.

Younger people are more enthusiastic and hot-blooded, older generation on the other hand is well experienced. The older generations loves the younger ones and tend to stop from the mistakes that maybe they had made once. This is however not very much appreciated by the younger people!

Every generation of parent thinks, “I will not let ‘that’ thing happen with my child.” Think about it, you also might have thought about it at some point of life.

But infact this ‘that’ is just the things which the newly parent was not exposed to or was not permitted.

The thing that we forget here is that with every generation, the level of advancement doubles itself.

For example, while my mother was not allowed to cut her hairs short or attend some dance classes, I had easy access to these ‘facilities’ which became common by the time I was born!

Today’s parent cannot understand that why the guys on their teenage daughter’s Facebook profile, who commented like- hot, looking sexy, dear etc are just normal friends and there is no romance booming up!

These word have become very common today due to gradual use by their parents itself (at their young age)!

Anytime a generation gap can be reduced with little efforts by both sides. Communication and small adjustments can any day contribute to peace between families!

But as the generation changes a gap will always remain!

The Big Fat Confused Indian Wedding

It is a known fact that Indian weddings are the most elaborate ones. They are “Big”, they are “Fat” and they are “Confused”.

This is what Wikipedia has to say about Indian weddings-

Indian weddings are very bright events, filled with ritual and celebration that continue for several days. They are generally not small affairs, with anywhere between 100 to 10,000 people attending. Often times it is possible that many of the attendees are unknown to the bride and groom themselves. Though most Indian marriages are arranged, some couples in urban areas have what are known as “love marriages”, where the partners decide to marry each other without family involvement or assistance. The traditional Indian wedding is more about two families being brought together socially, with much less emphasis on the individuals involved.

The best thing about Indian weddings is that, no one exactly knows what rituals are to be taken place.

Picture this- four to five elderly ladies fighting over the sequence of the ritual. Where at the same time the groom or the bride to be is sitting half naked, covered in turmeric paste.

The ladies can be heard saying- “humare yahan to aisa hota hai” (in our tradition, the ritual takes place in this manner) or something like- “apshagun hoga” (if this happens, bad luck will follow).

The groom/ bride’s mother gets worried if someone points out, “you didn’t do ‘that’ work”. Now this ‘that’ can be anything ranging from any particular ritual or ceremony. Scared of bad luck, the groom’s mother does as the person says! The family takes all this pain to ensure the children stay happy and blessed in their married lives.

Alas! Today we are blindly following these traditions, without even understanding its relevance.