Why me?

A very warm greetings to the people living in the 21st century, located in India’s capital city, Delhi!

A city which has the VIPs, VVIPs and god knows how many Vs…???

A city of power, where so much security is provided to the “important” that the commons are forgotten!

A city where maybe thousands are employed to provide protection, but still a girl cannot go out of her house without fear!

Time: 6:00 pm
Location: Road just behind my house

My mom was cooking some delicacy and found some ingredients missing, she asked me to bring it from the nearby grocery store. Following her instructions, of course it’s just the evening time and I do not have to travel far, so it seems really simple.

I went out, just on the way back home, mind it it’s a busy road, just behind my house; I have walked that path zillion times!

Two guys on a motorcycle crossed me and threw something on my back, surprised, and a little shocked I looked up and abused them about driving in a proper way! Then my eyes fell on the thing that they threw on me, this bought me more into a state of embarrassment mixed with anger.

It was a packet of condoms!

That very moment I wanted to hold those rascals’ collar and give them a tight slap each, but the only problem- they were gone!

Since people can point out about me being dressed inappropriately, so to clear the doubt, I was wearing a plain kurta and salwar, covering me properly!

This is a very common culture in the life of a girl, incidents of eve teasing happen just every day, in places expected like buses, metro, road and even in the places unexpected!

Some report these and as a result they have to face a bigger amount of trouble in going in and out of the police stations at odd times!

A friend once reported a drunken guy passing lewd comments to her, to the police, our so-called “Women helpline”, to our surprise the attitude of the officers was somewhat like this while registering the complaint- “Madam ko cheed diya hai, gussa ho gai!” (Madam has been teased and she is angry).

Standing there in the police station with my friend, I sensed that an eve-teasing matter holds no relevance to them!
Since we had enough proof, so the police traced the vehicle, for which I appreciate their efforts. But then another issue in hand was the identity disclosure, when a guy can tease a girl in broad day light, he can also create troubles for her if he comes to know her whereabouts. Of course, the big chunks of male ego, “How could a girl complain about me?”

The only way to avoid the identity disclosure was to ask the accused for an apology, in written and we had to except it otherwise the case will go to court and which clearly means inviting trouble!

The only question in my mind while writing this is, why can’t I roam around freely wherever I want, at any time of the day?

What is my crime, that I have to go through such kind of harassment? A man can never understand that feeling of being touched forcefully without your consent, of hearing a lewd comment about yourself, that helplessness when someone is stalking you, that anger when you want to protest but you do not to avoid a bad scene!

Is it my fault being a girl?

Most girls do not even mention these incidents to their family because that will create a stress in the members. (Girls are already a burden in India!)

Why can’t our society grow up and in each case not put the blame of protection of the girl on the girl itself? We can teach our sons to respect women, to behave properly with girls.

Maybe then a girl in can go out of her house with this comfort that she will be safe till the time she is back in her house. Maybe then our society will be just, and safe for all!

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9 thoughts on “Why me?

  1. I just came through your blog, Do not mistake me and no offence ,i am seeing hundreds of blogs on crimes on woman ,but what are the steps initiated by the bloggers???I am law graduate and company secretary,i have seen some of child abuse and acid victims cases .when these happened ,next day an organization comes then does something and goes off .Why you need to work for each and every case.For example i put forward a proposal for banning of acids for commercial use other than for scientific use ??? to an organization to move forward with that cause and i said even so girls can also throw acid on boy’s face(but i think it did not happen anywhere)i am not saying that these acid banning wont stop anything at least will be as an initiation .Ladies move towards a conceptual cause not on individual cases.Of course ladies and girls who tend to go out anytime at the present scenario should have a pure hardcore mental strength.

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    • Sir, I respect your views and thank you for leaving a comment on my blog.
      I have been that girl, who carries a knife with herself, whenever I am out, I have always been raising my voice against harassment… its not all about mental strength!
      the only reason why this incident shocked me was that, this happened on the road just behind my house! Also, the point I am raising over here is that many do not even mention such incidents to anyone!
      there needs to be mindset change! I am sorry, but I sincerely doubt that banning acids will bring change!
      if anyone intents to harm a person, by one way or the other they will do it! The point m trying to make here is that why not broaden our horizons that we do not think of harming anyone, and spoil anyone’s life!!

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      • I absolutely agree ,Indeed i am just 24 .I am martial arts instructor ,i know putting a strategy at an instance is so difficult,but no offence even if you have to go to number 9 and 10 you have to start from number 1 . why i put forward the proposal of acid banning is that in 2009-2010 i did a survey of attacks on women.what i found was quite shocking 87.6% victims are acid victims and when i questioned some of them , they were replying in such a way that even the attacker has stabbed me i do not care ,either i defend myself ,die or kill him but these acid trauma is a everyday hell ,i still do not know why i am living ( these were the exact words used by an acid victim while i asked her)so as an initiation i said so ,If women are knowledgeable of defending themselves using self defense or otherwise they can protect themselves and as you do carry a knife.!!!!!!!!!!

        I stay,
        SKRK

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      • i really appreciate ur efforts and views. maybe putting up such bans will bring about some change… hope for the best 🙂
        i would love to know more about ur research… and also would like to help in any way i can, promote the cause! 🙂
        take care

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  2. I did this thing (cannot be called as research) for my moot court purposes.At that i time i do not want to project citations /case laws, so i want to take up live examples for my moot but unfortunately i did not attend my moot .On the other side ,i have met some of the victims. see i have not even crossed the outskirts of Chennai to get on my live examples .I thought what the hell if there are victims in this jurisdictional scope itself ,what about the whole country ,of course i was quite enraged at that time.Being a martial artist i have saved a lady in the month of July 2012,had to fight 9 people in a public place(still my knuckles have that marks).At that i have decided no matter how, i should contribute back to the society from my legal background and as well as from my martial arts background.

    I Stay,
    SKRK

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  3. Pingback: Sex and the Indian Woman by Awanthi Vardaraj « Impressions

  4. Events like this wont end till women are seen as commodity, only to be enjoyed and played with. Fight against it has to be on various fronts, be it patriarchy or capitalism..

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  5. a major reason why girls don’t report about such incidents is that they knw they won’t get their family’s support…A person feels stronger if backed by someone especially his/her family …parents should motivate their girls to take a strong stand when needed…m saying it as a witness and as a victim that more than the humiliation the fact that u let the culprits go will make u more weak….nail the bastards every tym u come across them…

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  6. Hello Nitika,

    I reluctantly had to remove the controversial post “SEX AND THE INDIAN WOMAN BY AWANTHI VARDARAJ” from my website due to the sudden change in the author’s attitude when she saw that her post was becoming a viral phenomenon on my website.

    You can read about it in my post “Is the Word Sex Viral? Can Anyone Explain This Phenomenon?” —> http://tvaraj.wordpress.com/2012/11/15/is-the-word-sex-viral-can-anyone-explain-this-phenomenon

    So, I suggest that you remove the “Pingback: Sex and the Indian Woman by Awanthi Vardaraj « Impressions” because now it leads to a “Not Found!” page.

    To compensate, may I re-post this article “Why Me?” on my website.

    Like

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